The reprint begins with:

“Some of the personality types are:”

FAMILY HERO – An achiever, usually (but not always) the oldest child. Often a workaholic who can identify other’.4 needs and meet them, but is without an understanding of their own needs. This is often a child who uses their success to find a sense of belonging — the one who shows the family is “all right,” but who is unable to feel the benefit of his/her achievements. They feel like a fraud and are subject to depressions which they hide from those around them.

THE RESCUER – Similar to the Family Hero, -but without the visible success. The Rescuer finds those in needs, lets them move in or marries them or finds a job for them while supply other needs and is very understanding of the frequent betrayals. The rescuer has a deep seated self-hate that drives them to their role as a savior, because they know that anyone not already at the bottom of the barrel would have nothing to do with them. They tend to feel inadequate in their giving and unable to accept help for their own needs.

THE MASCOT – Often a younger child who uses humor or other distracting behavior, such as being exceptional clumsy or always in trouble, to take the focus of the family away from the problems of the family dysfunction. If the parent is violently drunk, the Mascot may take the abuse to “save” the rest of the family, or may be able to crack a joke at the necessary moment to take everyone’s mind off the pain of their reality.

THE ADJUSTER – The one who is never bothered by what is happening; there is no reason to be excited because everyone had to lie with family problems. The child never becomes too attached to goal or a desire because they have learned to change their direction at any moment. They float, knowing something is wrong but coping, often successfully, with one chaotic situation after another by surrendering their identity to the needs of the moment.

THE DOORMAT – The abused child who survives by lying down and letting others walk all over him/her, rather than risk an unpleasant or dangerous confrontation. This child is very understanding of the need someone else may have to injure him/her, but cannot identify his/her feelings about the abuse in the past or present.

THE ACTING OUT CHILD or THE REBEL – This child is in action at the slightest provocation, whether as an heroic action to prevent abuse to someone else (by distracting the abuser) or to protect himself/herself with wildness. This is the child who is most visible to the outside world and who may adopt alcoholism, drug addiction or other compulsive behavior early in defiance of the family system.

THE SCAPEGOAT or FAMILY JERK – This child takes the blame and shame for the actions of other family members by being the most visibly dysfunctional. This child serves the family by being sick or crazy to allow the other members of the family to ignore their own dysfunction. This is also the child who holds the family together — the family rallies to help the family jerk. He/She learns to remain dysfunctional to continue receiving the little attention available in a dysfunctional home by making the family “okay” by being the focus of all that is “not okay” which all members of the family vaguely sense.

THE BULLY – This child is usually the victim of physical, sexual and/or emotional abuse, who successfully makes the mental transition to stop being the victim by victimizing others. Often the Bully is genuinely remorseful for the pain and suffering caused to others, but will continue inflicting that abuse rather than face his/her own pain.

THE LOST CHILD – Often a younger (or the youngest) child, this personality type has learned to stay out of the way, not make his/her wants known and to expect nothing. They avoid feeling by denying that they have feelings. They adopt whatever behavior will allow them to stay invisible within the family, at work, at school or in a relationship. This is the child who can assume whatever personality those around him/her find least threatening.

THE LAST HOPE – Similar to the Lost Child, the Last Hope is the caretaker for the family when all other members have become unable to continue their roles. Often the Last Child is raised on comments like “You’ll never hurt me like so-and-so.” These children may work themselves to death trying to do “what’s right” for blood relations or adopted families, no matter what the expense to their own life.

Each of the personality types has special needs in Recovery, and each type can recover if they are willing to take the risk in believing they can change and heal.

Because the personalities of the family are mangled, the character traits of the children can be equally blurred. An Adult Child may have several of the above characteristics at one time, or may play a different role within the family at different times or depending on who they are responding to.

The Solution is to become your own loving parent.

As ACA becomes a safe place for you, you will find the freedom to express all the hurts and fears you have kept inside and to free yourself from the shame and blame that are carryovers from the past. You will become an adult who is imprisoned no longer by childhood reactions. You will recovery the child within you, learning to accept and love yourself.

The healing begins when we risk moving out of isolation. Feelings and buried memories will return. By gradually releasing the burden of unexpressed grief, we slowly move out of the past. We learn to reparent ourselves with gentleness, humor, love and respect.

This process allows us to see our biological parents as the instruments of our existence. Our actual parent is a Higher Power whom some of us choose to call God. Although we had alcoholic parents, our Higher (don’t know where the rest of this is—will research at later date.)

As some of you know, ACA used to be ACOA. When I found ACOA years ago, I truly felt home in a way I never had felt home in AA. I was drinking a six-pack of beer on Fri and Sat night when I quit drinking. I was fortunate enough to see my father’s progression and to know that that would happen to me, too.

I finally see myself in the Rescuer. I have a hard time asking for anything. I know now that I am in my addiction when I just want to keep giving and giving and hiding from my own needs.

— Thomas Wolfe, Of Time and the River

Dr. Tian Dayton writing for The Huffington Post explores the “biology of codependency“.  His study of the neurological findings about codependency found that codependency is fear-based. He further believes that the stress of living in a home where the children learned to be more vigilant to the adults’ moods rather than their own taught the children to access mood from outside them. What happens to the child’s moods? The child loses touch with what he/she is feeling.

Coming alive links:

1.  Give me a break: Are you busy for a reason?

2.  Formation–“to be nobody but myself— in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make me somebody else— means to fight the hardest battle any human can fight, and never stop fighting.” e.e. cummings

3.  It’s the perfect day to be alive.–includes “Wonderful Life” by Natalie Grant from her CD Relentness.

Photo credit.

Does a personality label mean that a person will always act according to that personality trait? No! A label is only a personality indicator. For the Change maker Test, as in most personality tests, in choosing your labels, go with your first choice. Don’t try to figure out the best answers. There aren’t any best answers. As we stated before, each label has positive and negative aspects. How we use our personality labels is our choice. How you feel about anything is your choice. No one can make you feel anything you don’t choose to feel.

On your road to self-discovery, remember to look for guidance among persons that are on their individual path of growth. If someone wants to tell you who to be, that person is not growing but is trying to avoid growth by “changing” you. Some people call this codependency.

About personality labels

Personality Traits Linked to Artistic Taste

Photo credit.

We each love to learn about ourselves. But we pretend that we don’t want to know. It is the same maneuver we use to view a group picture that includes us. While oohing and aahing over all the other group members, we are secretly gazing at ourselves.

Most of the labels used by counselors are unknown by clients. The Changemaker Test, which is meant as a vehicle for self-discovery, includes the labels used in NLP (neurolinguistic programming), birth order, family roles, emotional energies, and MBTI (Myers Briggs Type Indicator). Also included are the labels for the Big Five Test, enneagram, and transactional analysis.

Changemaker is committed to the basic belief that each person has the opportunity for self-discovery and the potential for self-healing. As individuals, we sometimes choose paths that may be harmful to us. To get off that path and onto a new road takes exploration and experimentation.

The Changemaker Test offers education for self-discovery as Changemaker believes that the change within a person involves the courage to see (insight) and the courage to act (action).

The Changemaker Test will teach anyone 10 labels about themselves. Therefore, by using the labels to change themselves, the changemaker is the person who decides to learn and make the change happen.

Does a personality label mean that a person will always act according to that personality trait? No! A label is only a personality indicator. For the Changemaker Test, in choosing your labels, go with your first choice. Don’t try to figure out the “best” answer. There aren’t any best answers. As we stated before, each label has positive and negative aspects.

On the road of self-discovery, remember to look for guidance among persons that are on their individual path of growth. If someone wants to tell you who to be, that person is not growing but is trying to avoid growth by “changing” you. Some people call this codependency.

Yet we all are probably codependent at one time or another. It happens sometimes that another person gets more of our attention that we are giving to ourselves. But the codependent uses concern to gain power over others in the classic position of “top-dog”. Shared power is the only ingredient in relationships that determines how healthy the union is.

Reciprocity shows respect and dignity in relationships. Emily Dickinson wrote in one of her poems—“the soul selects her own society-then shuts the door”. The power in a relationship is divided or debated from that first glance. The people that we meet and with whom we instantly feel comfortable are those with whom we share the power.

Unfortunately what many call “excitement” is the game of control. The Course in Miracles suggests that our main feelings are love and fear. If we aren’t offering love, we are trapped in our fear.

When You Find the Buddha in the Middle of the Road-Kill Him is the wise title of a good book by Sidney Kopp. No one knows what is better for anyone but that person.

We each have our own answers. Even those trained in counseling techniques can only see what is revealed. Tendencies may be seen and certainly personality indicators will be there. But the work of change is a person’s individual choice.

The test for evaluating our motives when we want to deceive ourselves about our “loving” motives is that when we come in the spirit of love, there will be no resistance. If tension exists in an exchange, there is a power struggle.

The resistance proves that we are coming in a spirit of fear. If we are in a tug of war with someone, we can let go of our end of the rope. With the freed energy from letting go, we can then join the “enemy” to find a solution to the problem.

At the heart of a loving home is peace. Peace comes from “losing” battles and winning the war. “O Lord, let there be peace and let it start with me.”

Photo Credit.

B

C

You Can’t Force Other People to Change-But You Can Help Them

Choosing Boundaries for Life Success

Color Me Happy: Use Color to Impact the Mood of Your Home

The Hidden Art of Achieving Creative Flow

D

Drawing a cartoon character in 5 steps

E

Problem Minus Ego Equals Solution
F

Take Control of Your Finances by Building on What You Already Know

Friends in Unlikely Places: The Ex-Factor

The Serious Pursuit of Fun

G

H

Get Inspired to Re-Use Trash to Make Beautiful Homes

I

10 Steps to Balance Multiple Interests

J

K

L

Live Big or Die Small

The long winding road to doing what you love

M

From Mindless Spending to Mindful Consumption

N

O

Our Luxury Additions and Lavish Embellishments

How to Make a Living Out of Your Obsession

P

Q

R

Resolution Retreat for Couples

How to Grab on to Slipping Resolutions

When a Family Needs a Fresh Start: Making a Place of Repentance

Roles and Goals

Stop Following ‘The Rules‘ of your Life and Bring Back the Joy

S

Shift Happens: Dealing With the Speed Economy

How to Use Your Subconscious to Change Your Life

Celebrate Your Success

Your Sweet Spot: The Intersection of Passion, Talent, and Opportunity

T

Today did you see?

U

5 Creative Ways to Upsize Your Life by Downsizing

V

W

Time to Wake Up: Making the Most of the Moment

X

Y

You Can Become the Indispensable Litchpin

Z

Picture credit.

(2) www.9types.com This site has easy to understand charts and diagrams listing all nine type tests and includes a copy of the RHETI. This author also introduces the“wings” of the nine types. It also has chat boards for each of the types and a chart of good and bad examples for each type using fictional and real people.

(3) www.authenticenneagram.com/

This site has a good introduction to the study of the enneagram. It also shows ways to use this study in understanding others. It has a good section about relationships and your enneagram type.

(4) www.enneagraminstitute.com The enneagram institute was founded by Don Riso and Russ Hudson in 1995. It offers workshops and trainings in their insight approach around the world. The site has information about the many uses of the enneagram.

(5) http://enneagram-instrument.org/ This organization provides the enneagram in an electronic form. It offers the three centers of intelligence and gives the history of the enneagram which is believed to have been introduced by George I. Gurdjeiff, a mystic who was born in the area between Greece and the Caspian Sea in the late 1860s or early 1870s.

(6) http://www.thechangeworks.com/ Introduces NLP, Ericksonian Hypnosis, and the enneagram and has the enneagram primer for those new to the study. It also has a page of monthly musings about movies that reveal enneagram styles and includes an enneagram movie and video store.

(7) www.enneagramcentral.com/ This site includes “The Electric Enneagram” which is a newsletter specializing in the application of the enneagram as opposed to theories. Through their home study course, 50 lessons and topics are offered.

(8) http://testdex.com/ Offers tests in personality, intelligence, and compatibility with links to all the different types.

Free Enneagram tests:

http://www.enneagramcentral.com/testa.htm

http://www.duniho.com/fergus/enneagram/test/

http://similarminds.com/cgi-bin/similarminds.pl

http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/

http://www.prosperity.com/enneagram/holly/howto.htm

Longer enneagram tests available online for nominal fees:

http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/Tests_Battery.asp

Good enneagram sites:

http://www.9types.com/

http://www.lessons4living.com/enneagram.htm

http://www.enneagramcentral.com/eenstudy.htm

http://www.9points.com/faq.htm

http://enneagram-instrument.org

The best enneagram links:

http://www.trytel.com/~jfalt/web-ennea.html#On-Line

Are we born this way?

http://www.enneagramcentral.com/study/een e11.htm

Relationship between enneagram and MBTI:

http://tap3x.net/EMBTI/

For a great first look at the enneagram, look at

http://enneagram-instrument.org/enntype.htm#intro

Click on any of the points there and it will take you to a description of each of the nine types.

By iwona kellie

Emotional health is directly connected to our physical health. Choosing healthy ways (exercise, meditation, centering, deep breathing) to deal with stress go far toward our overall health. The mind-body connection is the way your body responds to how you think, feel and act.

Some of the physical signs that your body and mind may be out of connection are chest pain, headaches, back pain, extreme tiredness, high blood pressure, upset stomach, weight loss or gain, insomnia, etc. Many of these ailments may be as well treated by learning how to improve your emotions. Learn how to sort out the following emotions: anxiety, stress and sadness.

Too many of us have learned as children to stuff our feelings. The only emotional growth comes after we accept our feelings. Feelings aren’t good or bad or wrong or right. They are simply how we feel. Some people are helped by writing in a journal a short description of how they feel. After you accept your feelings, you can study healthy ways to deal with them.

Unfortunately, many people now believe that they have to continually “vent” all their feelings. In my opinion, vending feelings about the same situation does little good. If, once your feelings are know about a situation to all involved in the situation and everything stays the same, then learn new coping skills such as reframing to change the way you feel.

Remember, you can only change yourself—not others. If you still feel unable or unwilling to change—find out what your unhappiness is giving you. Holding on to old hurts only hurts us.

Change is Always Possible

Thoughts to Get Your Creative Juices Flowing

Michael Phelps’ Top 5 Fundamentals for Pulling Off the Impossible

How to Keep Yourself on Track: 5 Helpful Questions

Applications of Positive Psychology–Happiness and Flourishing

How Long Does Change Take? At Least 6 Months

What’s Your Voice?

The Five Pillars of Success

Master Your Craft

How Might a Promise Like That Change a Life?

5 Ways to Improve Your Life Starting Today:

Becoming an eclectic reader–meditate and/or schedule quiet time–start working out, or increase your workouts–spend quality time with the people who mean the most to you–enhance your diet

By mikebaird

In the Changemaker Test found on this blog, you will select two emotional energies that you use the most. The other two energies will be indicators to you of what you need to strengthen. These energies are relationship, logic, creative and grounding energies.

To gather energy, we use either grounding or creative energy. In order to process energy, we use either logic or relationship energy.

The energies are:

1) Relationship energy—working with and being sensitive to others.

2) Logic energy—setting goals, planning action needed and analyzing resources available.

3) Creative energy—looking at new solutions for problems

and possible redirecting to implement change.

4) Grounding energy—getting the job completed on schedule.

To develop energy in each area, we may try the following:

1) Creative energy—we may need to play at solving problems. Turn the solution into a game.

2) Logic energy—we may choose to do some projects that call for measurement, for example, measuring all your rooms to estimate the total floor space available in your room.

3) Relationship energy—we need to practice expressing feelings in intimate situations.

4) Grounding energy—we need to explore our physical world during walks, etc., by noticing colors, smells, sounds, etc., of our world.

By Saquayo

It is estimated by the age of 21, each of us has acquired 20,000 hours of negative self-talk. Learn to listen to the voices in your head. Whatever you are thinking is what you are feeling.

Everyone has many personality labels yet most of us resist being labeled. Over a lifetime, we each will have hundreds of labels because we each have unique life experiences. The main way we learn our labels is from others. We generally resist these learnings as it feels that the labels have a negative connotation. Yet most of our labels are positive and negative at the same time.

We each love to learn about ourselves. But we pretend that we don’t want to know. It is the same maneuver we use to view a group picture that includes us. While oohing and aahing over all the other group members, we are secretly gazing at ourselves.

Personality labels are personality indicators. Labels can be positive and negative at the same time. By learning our personality traits, we can determine the positives about ourselves to enrich our self-image. Understanding ourselves and what motivates each of us can be a powerful tool towards meeting life’s challenges and personal dreams.

By learning our personality traits, we can determine the positives about ourselves and change the negative thoughts to positive ones. The Changemaker Test is meant to be the starting point for self-discovery. With the complete test, answers and explanations, anyone can test their friends and family.

Also anyone who has compassion for others can use these materials to begin discussion groups of persons interested in self-discovery. Anyone can start a free group online at Squidoo after s/he publishes a lens about anything.

The Changemaker Test includes:

• The test of 25 personality traits include the categories of NLP (neurolinguistic programming), birth order, family roles, emotional energy, and MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator)

• From the 25 traits, each person will learn 10 of his/her personality traits

• Each of the 25 traits is explained in an individual description

• Included is the Big Five Test and enneagram information

• A bibliography for all the personality traits has been added and links for each of the personality labels is added

The Changemaker Test is free at this site.